I'm 40!!

      
     I recently celebrated my 40th birthday and for some reason turning 40 has struck a chord with me. The feeling of reaching a milestone most definitely accompanied this birthday celebration, but not a traditional "over the hill" type of feeling that is often associated with this age.

     I have heard over and over, and I have said it myself many times, " I still feel like I'm (fill in any age you want). Is it 20? Is it 30? Something tells me that the age you'd choose to fill in is somewhat insignificant. I believe that inside we can never believe how old we are because our souls are eternal. They are not aging at the same progression as our bodies. If I stop and think about my 'signs of aging', they are body-related. I need more hours of sleep than I did 20 years ago. I need more highlights to accentuate the 'age color' that is appearing more rapidly by the day. I might not bounce back from an illness or an injury as quickly, but inside, I am basically the same.

     Although our souls are not aging at the same progression as our bodies, they *are* progressing. Our body shows age by the quality of how it functions. I believe the same is true for our soul. God is preparing us for our eternal home and all of the lessons, trials, growing pains and character shaping are all part of the 'aging' process. Well, mine must have hit an age increment, and it has affectionately been communicated with the phrase, "I'm 40!!"

     All of my life I have been a person who thrives on pleasing those around me. I want to do well in life to make my dad proud, I want to be a good wife and mother to make my mom proud. I want to be a person easy to work with, a person who helps others with their problems, etc. All good things, right? Yes, but there comes a point where people-pleasing becomes a flaw. It's the tangled web of  "what would/do people think?" that entraps me sometimes. The web spins self-doubt, obsessive worry, holds me back from things I really want to do, coerces me into obligations I never should have said yes to, and causes me to over analyze  situations to the point of ridiculousness. . Over the course of our nearly 20- year relationship, Chris has told me a million times that he can just see the wheels churning in my head and wishes he could make my brain stop.

     Well, turning 40 has to some degree stopped the churning!! I had an awakening that has been quite liberating. I finally believe I'm a grown-up now! It's silly and it's been a source of comical fun. If you've spent any time with me at all you've already heard, "I'm 40!!" I have given some thought (shocking, I know) to figuring out why I finally *believe* I'm older. As I stated earlier, I don't *feel* older. I should have felt this matured state years ago! I'm a wife, a mother of adolescents, a teacher! I make a house payment!! All the indicators have been in place to send the signal to my brain...look, you're older for quite some time! 

     Going back to my soul vs. body aging, I can come up with only one theory: my soul has made progress  and it has aged in a way that has brought some freedom. You see, this "I'm 40!!" that I scream from my insides (and sometimes audibly) is not one of despair, but one of delight! I have given myself permission to be me, to make decisions without explaining them to everyone, to express my feelings or opinions (with love and respect)  in situations I might otherwise have felt I didn't have the right to. I feel the freedom to walk in the confidence of the Lord and to know He loves me unconditionally. As crazy as this may sound, I have actually given myself permission to* be* loved by God. Have you ever thought about how many times we block that unconditional love through our own self-condemnation? We put the conditions in there for Him when He doesn't have any!

     This 'birthday for my soul' has helped me! My self-talk has become much less defeating and much more encouraging. Before I enter an unknown or uncomfortable situation, I say to myself, "You walk into that room (situation) with your head held high. Girl, you're 40!" or "You do not have to do that, or sign up for that, or add that to your already-full plate. Girl, you're 40!" I could go on and on, but you get the point. Am I cured from people pleasing? Not a chance!! I will always strive for progress knowing I will never reach perfection, but "Audrey, you don't have to be perfect. You're 40!!". :)

     So, what age will it be for you? When will you give yourself permission to be you? If not people pleasing, what is your stronghold that could be liberated by a 'birthday for the soul'? Make it, today! Declare to yourself, Look, I'm ____!! and hold that head up high!

Happy Birthday, friend! :)